PLAYOFFS?!
I just had to post another one of these up.
“My silly mustache migrated North for the summer.”
[Via LATFH]
A blog I used to visit ages ago used to post up the Harper’s Weekly Review, which is just a round-up of the previous weeks news. So I’m gonna jack them for the idea. You can read previous Weekly Reviews, as far back as 2000, or you sign up for the weekly email from Harper’s here if you’d rather get it yourself. NAH MEAN SON!
Weekly Review
Swine flu, renamed under pork-lobby pressure to “influenza
A (H1N1) virus, human,” and referred to as “killer Mexican
flu” by anti-immigration activists, had infected 985
people, or 0.0000145 percent of the world’s
population. Twenty countries reported infections; one
death from the flu was confirmed in the United States; and
25 people had died in Mexico, where a cute five-year-old
boy named Edgar Hernandez was presented to the media as
“patient zero.” Mexico shut down for five days to contain
the illness, China began to quarantine Mexicans, and Vice
President Joe Biden appeared on television and counseled
U.S. citizens to avoid airplanes, subways, and classrooms,
which led to protests by the travel industry. “I think the
vice president misrepresented what the vice president
wanted to say,” explained Press Secretary Robert
Gibbs. Egypt, which has no cases of the flu, ordered all
its pigs killed, especially slum pigs; police at Manshiyat
Nasr slum fired tear gas and rubber bullets at rioting
Coptic Christian pig farmers. Geneticists continued to
sequence the flu’s genes. “Atgaaggcaa tactagtagt
tctgctatat,” read the opening line of the segment-four
hemagglutinin gene. “Acatttgcaa ccgcaaatgc agacacatta.”Recalling September 11, New Yorkers panicked as a spare
Air Force One 747, accompanied by a fighter jet, flew low
near the World Trade Center site in Manhattan for a White
House photo op. President Barack Obama, who is reading the
novel Netherland by Joseph O’Neill, ordered a review of
the $328,835 flight. Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter
rejoined the Democratic Party after more than 40 years as
a Republican. “There’s more than being reelected here,” he
insisted. “There’s the factor of principle.” Jack Kemp
died, and Republicans launched an organization called
National Council for a New America. Former Florida
Governor Jeb Bush urged his party to “listen a little bit,
learn a little bit”; former Massachusetts Governor Mitt
Romney called the Democrats “the party of the
monarchists.” Supreme Court Justice David Souter announced
that he was retiring, a decision some attributed to his
hatred for Washington, D.C., which he has called “the
world’s worst city,” and Mr. T was called for jury duty in
a drug case in Cook County, Illinois. “If you’re innocent,
I’m your best man,” he said. “But if you’re guilty, I pity
that fool.” Mine That Bird won the Kentucky Derby despite
50-1 odds. The New York Times Company decided not to close
the Boston Globe, and dollar stores were selling more
food. Guided by the Obama Administration, Chrysler filed
for a bankruptcy from which it plans to emerge in two
months, when it will be purchased by the United States,
Canada, the United Auto Workers union, and Italian
manufacturer Fiat, which plans to merge with Opel, part of
General Motors Europe, to create a massive new car
conglomerate. The new company will be rechristened
Chrysler but will probably not honor its outstanding car
warranties. The United Kingdom pulled its troops out of
Iraq.Sweden recognized same-sex marriages, and a senior
Buddhist monk in Thailand named Phra Maha Wudhijaya
Vajiramedhi vowed to teach gay and transgender Thai monks
better manners, which would include the elimination of
their pink purses, their sculpted eyebrows, and their
revealingly tight robes. South Korea bioengineered four
fluorescent beagles. Child-injury researchers demonstrated
a 40 percent rise since the early 1990s in the number of
childhood injuries brought on by falling furniture, and a
food-service industry survey found that schoolchildren
would like to replace lunch ladies with robots. Sri
Lanka’s army reportedly killed 91 people at a hospital
inside a civilian safe zone; officials blamed the bombing
on the Tamil Tigers. Pakistan’s army killed as many as 60
Taliban, and Kenyan women’s organizations called for wives
to boycott sex, and for prostitutes to be paid not to
work, until leaders in the coalition government stop
feuding. Veronica Lario, wife of Italian Prime Minister
Silvio Berlusconi, announced plans to file for divorce
after learning that her husband had attended the
eighteenth birthday party of a budding lingerie model to
whom he has given jewelry and who calls him “Daddy.” “That
surprised me,” said Lario, “because he never attended the
eighteenth birthday parties of his own children, even if
he was invited.” Archaeologists searched sites near
Alexandria for the tomb of Cleopatra and Marc Antony, and
the Italian container ship Jolly Smeraldo, at sail off
Somalia, was able, through evasive maneuvers, to ward off
pirate attacks twice in successive days, despite taking on
bazooka fire. Nine people died when a pleasure boat
capsized off Malaysia; the lone survivor, a 14-year-old
boy, stayed afloat by using his mother as a
raft. Officials in New Delhi were investigating the case
of Shanno Khan, an 11-year-old girl whose teacher
allegedly forced her to stand in the hot sun for two hours
as a punishment for not doing her homework, ignoring Khan
when she promised to learn her alphabet and begged for
water. The girl fainted and was hospitalized. “I never
want to go to school again,” she told her mother, and died
a day later.– Paul Ford
I like that better than Rupert Murdoch. He’s making some bold statements
you can confidently presume that we are leading the way in finding a model that maximizes revenues in return for our shareholders… The current days of the Internet will soon be over
IDK Rupie, I mean I can see people paying for the WSJ online, which they are now. But lets say you make people pay for the Post online….I think I threw up in my mouth a bit. I wish I had my ancient blog archives from 3 years ago on the NY Post.
I could careless about this video/trailer, but I just think it’s dumb that at about the :25 second mark, they censor “rape’ but not murder. GOTTA LET THE KIDS MURDER! dumb.
[Video Via 2DopeBoyz]
Super Slo-Mo Surfing Captured from Underwater
[Gizmodo]
Major League Baseball is expected to announce Thursday that Los Angeles Dodgers outfielder Manny Ramirez has tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs and will be suspended for 50 games, The Los Angeles Times is reporting.
I’ve posted this on my twitter, fb, everywhere. I can’t watch baseball anymore. If I find out Albert Pujols used it, the sport never even existed to me.
More than 2,000 people in 23 countries worldwide now have confirmed cases of the new strain of the H1N1 flu, the World Health Organization said on Thursday.
Why is this shit still in the news? WHY WAS IT EVER IN THE NEWS?! On average, 200,000 people get the flu in the USA alone, thats about 548 people a fucking day. 2,000 people got the whatever the fuck flu its called in about 2 weeks. Why is it making the fucking news? ONE PERSON DIED FROM IT IN THE U.S. And she had previous health problems. 36,000 people die a year from the flu in the U.S. Thats almost ONE HUNDRED PEOPLE A DAY. ONE HUNDRED FUCKING PEOPLE. SMH, I hate the media. I smelled bullshit from the jump with this booty chatter ass flu.
[Via NYT]
All statistics from here.
Ron Artest will tell you how his friend died on the court, AND THEN, tell you how the game went. Two-Tone said he gives the best post game talks. I’m gonna have to concur. And people are questioning if that story is true. OF COURSE IT IS, the man is from fucking Brooklyn. C’MON!
So I’ll leave you with some Mozart SON!